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首页安妮日记APRIL, 1944

APRIL, 1944

        SAtURDAY, APRIL 1, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        A everytill so difficult. You do kno you? I long so muco kiss me, but t kiss is taking its o time. Does ill t I mean anything more?

        You and I bot Im strong, t I    carry most burdens alone. Ive never beeo so a mot Id love to lay my    sit tly.

        I t, I simply t fet t dream of Peters c too so say    me near    hing?

        Ive got to stop, Ive got to be calm. Ill try to be strong again, and if Im patient, t    -- and t part -- I seem to be co go upstairs; o me. But ts because of

        tands hink .

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        MONDAY, APRIL 3, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        trary to my usual practice, Im going to e you a detailed description of tuation, sis bee a matter of some difficulty and importanot only    in all of holland, all of Europe and even beyond.

        In ty-one mont;food cycles" -- youll uand    means in a moment. A "food cycle" is a period in able to eat. For a long time e not endive. Endive    sand, eoes, endive-and-masato casserole. t oes, sauerkraut, etc., etc.

        Its not muco eat, say, sauer- kraut every day for lunc    deligables at all.

        Our -pea soup, potatoes ato kugel and, by turnip greens or rotten carrots, and ts back te,    potatoes at every meal, starting , but ttle. to make soup atoes, packages of vege- table soup, packages of catoes ation gravy and -- till got it -- beet salad. I must tell you about the dumplings.

        e make t-issue flour, er a. toug it feels as if you omac oh well!

        t is our , and ttered bread.

        But ill alive, and mucime it still tastes good too!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        EDNESDAY, APRIL 5, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        For a long time no knoale. If t over by September, I    go back to sc    to be two years behind.

        Peter filled my days, not Peter, dreams and ts until Saturday nig so utterly miserable; o    te I o cry my eyes out. I slid to tgoly. to my c, lay my    me back doo eartears, since I didnt    anyo door to ried to pull myself toget;I must, I must, I must. . . " Stiff from sitting in su, I fell back against t up my struggle until just before ten-ty,    was over!

        And nos really over. I finally realized t I must do my sco keep from being ignorant, to get on in life, to bee a journalist, because ts ! I knoe. A feories are good, my descriptions of t Annex are . . . it remains to be seen .

        "Evas Dream" is my best fairy tale, and t I do idea s of "Cadys Life" are also good, but as a    and    critic. I kno.

        Unless you e yourself, you t knoo bemoan t t I couldnt dra no at least I    e.

        And if I dont alent to e books or neicles, I    ale for myself. But I    to ac. I t imagine o live like Mot tten. I o o devote myself to! I dont    to    people. I    to be useful    enjoyment to all people, even t. I    to go on living even after my deats o God for , o express all ts inside me!

        e I    ss are

        revived! But, and ts a big question, o e somet,    or a er?

        I ing alloo record everyts, ideals and fantasies.

        I    ;Cadys Life" fes. In my mind Ive    exactly    tory doeso be ing along very ll epaper basket or tove. ts a , but to myself, "At teen and tle experience, you t e about philosophy.”

        So ons. Itll all , because Im determio e!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        thURSDAY, APRIL 6, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        You asked me s are and Id like to ans Id better    be surprised.

        First of all: ing, but I dont really t as a hobby.

        I    find for trees of trian, Russian, Norc progress ime Ive been taking notes    many of tory.

        So my tory, and Fat me numerous books. I     for to go to t out Iii tion I need.

        Number four is Greek and Roman myt too.

        I ame tc., etc., do.

        My otars and family pograp reading and

        books. I adore tory of ts, especially ers, poets and painters; musis may e later. I loatry and aritic. I enjoy all my ots, but orys my favorite!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        tUESDAY, APRIL 11, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        My    kno time I e you) everyternoon (Good Friday) urday afternoon too. turday, o t, everyt.

        Sunday afternooer came to see me at four-ty, at my invitation. At five-fifteen    to t attic, il six. til ful Mozart cert on to seven-fifteen; I especially emusik. I    o listen in tciful music stirs me to ter couldnt take ub c to t attic togeto be able to sit fortably, I took along ted ourselves on a pag crate. Sie and tting quite close, leaning against tes; Mousc us pany, so     a c a quarter to nine, Mr. van Daan airs    and Mr. van Daan. taken t migire er and I stuck take t again o go sit in    ttle intermezzo.

        But our fun    y Peter knocked gently on to e upstairs and    Englisence.

        "t sounds fis; I said tot. "Its obviously a pretext. You    tell by talking t t; I    t very moment. Fater were

        doairs in a flas, Moted. Four frigo talk, so ts il er t all . truck quarter to ten. t     baing oo scared to t.

        ten oclock, footsteps on tairs. Fat;Lig, tiptoe upstairs, ing t; t time to be scared. ts d    doairs.

        " ell us quickly!”

        to tell us; tairs. t e back up until ten past ten. t c Peters open o t. e draped a ser over , and told us w had happened:

        Peter airs and sa a large panel    airs, alerted t;; and t doairs. ered t t t;Police!" steps outside; t ba t notice t t kick from outside sent it flying to t ty. Boter and Mr. van Daa a murdere e over t t again. Once more ttempt side, a man and a ing up tire ; mumbled one of t noead of poli, tairs. Dussel and Mr.

        van Daan snatcer opece office, o the bookcase.

        END OF PARt ONE In all probability t ed t    day, Easter Monday, to be closed,    be able to move around until tuesday m.

        t, o sit in sucerror for a day and t simply sat tccime we ;Shh, shh.”

        It en-ty, t a sound. Fatook turns ing upstairs to us. t eleven-fifteen, a noise belosteps in te office, tcaircase. All sounds of breatopped, eigs pounded. Foot- steps on tairs, ttling at t is indescribable.

        "No; I said, and I een of us being dragged aapo t very night.

        More rattling at tsteps receded. e    of danger, so far! A s ts of teettering, no one said a ayed like til eleven-ty.

        t a lig in front of t because t it looked so suspicious or because t? as anyone going to e bad turn it off? e found our tongues again.

        t peranding guard outside. e tried to guess rembled    to ts tic, all al epaper basket. Mr. van Daan    first, t Motoo embarrassed. Fat te- basket to t room, efully made use of it. Mother finally gave in.

        t demand for paper, and luckily I .

        tebasket stank, everyt on in a    .

        "Lie doo sleep!" Margot and I    lay doable legs. t quite so bad w Mrs.

        van Daan quietly    and got some poty as a furtion.

        talk, inually going to try sleeping t! By ty, ired I dozed off and didnt il ty. I woke up w.

        "For o put on!" I said. I    ask er and a black skirt, ogs and tattered kneesocks.

        Mrs. van D. sat back do. From ty on, and still s Mr. van Daan couldnt sleep. I urn of tell try to bribe them!

        "e s; moaned Mrs. van D.

        "Sure, in tove," ans;If t as he radio!”

        "t; added Father.

        "So burn it," suggested t terrified of the group.

        ttling on ts oo! t say anything more.

        t in reting all tions; so muced Mrs. van Daan, alked about esg, being interrogated by tapo, phoning Mr. Kleiman and being ceous.

        "e must beime ll be for Queen and try, for freedom, trutice, as telling us on t h us!”

        After an c beside me. tte after anotrip to tty, and thing began allain.

        Four oclock, five, five-ty. I    and sat er by ened, so close ime to time and listened ily.    door took do s.

        t of everyto tell Mr. Kleimaeo call    seven and ask o send someone over. taking a big c t    ter risk t turn.

        Im enclosing t, but for ty, Ill copy it here.

        Buralary: Poli building, up to bookcase, but no fartly interrupted, forced ed; Kugler must    through sed door.

        typeer and adding ma private office.

        Mieps or Beps laundry in was.

        Only Bep ler o sed door; lock may be broken.

        try to    key, look around office; also feed cat.

        For t, everyt acc to plan. Mr. Kleiman er    ba t. t around table again and ed for eithe police.

        Peter o sleep and Mr. van Daan ANNE FRANK and I steps belo up quietly. "Its Jan!”

        "No, no, its t; they all said.

        t our bookcase. Miep oo murs.

        van Daan, ension ed anote, sed.

        Jan and Miep came in and    ful se. table alone o a page of dang girls and smeared in, o bat tin, a mirror, a b, matctes, tobacco, an ass, a

        flas, Mrs. van Daans b, toilet paper, etc.

        Jan and Miep ed s and tears. Jan nailed a pine off again o inform te u ciced ted to see Sleegers.

        So    transformation as in ty minutes. Margot and I got tairs,    to teetraig and    back upstairs. table    some er, made coffee and tea, boiled t table. Fater emptied our improvised potties and rier and poo time lifting it. to make t o put it in a bucket.

        At eleven oclock Jan    table, and gradually everyone began to relax. Jan ory to tell:

        Mr. Sleegers    old Jan t y as nigcrols t on ell Mr. Kugler t. No o tation seemed to kno t te to e first tuesday m to have a look.

        On to run into Mr. van atoes, and told ;I kno; Mr. van hoeven calmly replied.

        "Last nig your building, I saed to    I peeked inside , and ts    call t it    be    kno I ; Jan t on. Mr. van s oes at lun!

        It ime Ja and    of us    to bed. I    quarter to t Mr. Dussel o run into Peter in t after hed

        e doairs. e agreed to meet in t and    down.

        "After all till dare go to t attic?" , and    up togeto ayed     mine around    quietly like til four oclock, o get us for coffee.

        e ate our bread, drank our lemonade and joked (o again), and for t everyto normal. t evening I ter because    of us all.

        None of us    nigruly c t at t ill no one ;No; Id    moment, but once again    falling, itll be every man for    time    s who are helping us.

        "eve been saved, keep on saving us!" ts all we    say.

        t    about a rolling ty. Peter isnt alloo ope    after y at nig iger from to make a barricade out of our    bedsteads. Debates are going o and rigairs.     ed, s of things.

        eve been strongly reminded of t t ,    any rig ions. e must put our feelings aside;    be brave and strong, bear disfort    plaint, do rust in God. One day terrible ime    Jews!

        ed t us apart from all t?    us

        ts God s also God    if, after all till Je, the Jewish people will be held up as an example.

        eac about goodness, and ts to suffer. e ever be just Dutglisever,    t to be.

        Be brave! Lets remember our duty and perform it    plaint. t. God ed our people. to suffer, but turies of suffering rorong s be defeated!

        t nig I o die. I ed for ttlefield. Id gladly ry.

        But no Ive been spared, my first o bee a Dut. I love tcry, I love t to e to t give up until Ive reached my goal!

        Im being more and more indepe of my parents. Young as I am, I face life ter and truer sense of justice t I , I isfied. I kno Im a rengt deal of ce!

        If God lets me live, Ill ato the world and work for mankind!

        I no ce and !

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 1944

        Dear Kitty,

        Everyone ill very tense. Pim ; Mrs. van D. is lying ies; Dussel,

        everyoc., etc. e seem to    of luck lately. toilets leaking, and ts stuck. to our many es, o get these repaired.

        Im occasionally seal, as you kno from time to time I o be:

        ting close togete among t, our arms around eacer toying h a loy hair;

        rilling trees are in bud, ws when I wish for so much!

        All I see around me are dissatisfied and grumpy faces, all I ifled plaints. Youd taken a sudden turn for tly, to set a good example. e eaco figure out o get tter of our own moods!

        Every day you ;If only it were all over!”

        ork, love, ce and hope, Make me good and help me cope!

        I really believe, Kit, t Im a little nutty today, and I dont knoo anotimes I seriously doubt ed in t "t; My diaries certainly    be of mur.

        Bolkestein erbrandy.* [* Gerrit Bolkestein er of Education and Pieter Gerbrandy er of t exile in London.

        See Annes letter of March 29, 1944.] Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        SAtURDAY, APRIL 15, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        "t one bad ter anot all end?" You    sure say t again. Guess    to unbolt t door. As a result, Mr. Kugler and t get in.    to Kegs, smas t    too.    must thinking? And van Maaren?

        Mr. Kuglers furious. e accuse    doing anyto reinforce the doors, and

        tupid ters extremely upset. At table, Mot more sorry for Peter to cry. ere equally to blame, since    er on. I    to help him so much!

        est neins about life in t Annex over t few weeks:

        A urday, Boc sick.    quite still and started drooling.

        Miep immediately picked oucked    o t ic. Bocestinal problem, so t gave er gave it to imes, but Boc    c . But noo steal food and somebody smacked     aken to t too, sarted gettier.

        e noti sit up the evening.

        to rubber t and oil paint, our toilet ; could quickly be repaired. t has been replaced.

        Luckily, Mr. Kleiman is feelier. o see a specialist soon. e    only    need aion.

        t tation books. Unfortunately, for t tuted for oatmeal roats. Our latest delicacy is piccalilli. If youre out of luck, all you get is a jar full of cucumber and mustard sauce.

        Vegetables are o e by. ttuce, lettud more lettueals sist entirely of potatoes and imitation gravy.

        tis advang beyond Cassino. ell o t on tern all. t of unbelievably ry of Birt registration cards.

        Enougoday.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        SUNDAY, APRIL 16, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        Remember yesterdays date, si ter day for me. Isnt it an important day for every girl s no less important to me. time Bram kissed me on my rigra on my rig t. ell you.

        Last ing er on     long before    an arm around me. (Si urday,    tle," I said, "so    keep bumping my    the cupboard.”

        ically in t    I    never so close as    nig    side against ; my    o beat faster, but to e.    satisfied until my op of mine. I sat up again after about five minutes, but before long ook my    it baext to    oo intense;

        clumsily, and played    of time our oug.

        I t tell you, Kitty, t ran too oo.

        At y ood up. Peter put on ennis s make mucly round of tandio    movement, I dont kno before    doairs,    core doairs    looking back, and I long so mucoday.

        Sunday m, just before eleven.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        MONDAY, APRIL 17, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Do you tting on a divan and kissing a seventeen-and- a- t I o trust my o in tter. Its so peaceful and safe, lying in s so to feel    mis so o knoing for me. But, and t, er    to leave it at t? I    fotten . . . he is a boy!

        I kn at a very young age. Not even fifteen and already so indepe -- ts a little o uand. Im pretty sure Margot alk of an e or marriage. er nor I    Motouc Fat ers arms    against , my    mine!

        Oerribly s seriously, I dont ts at all s off from tely. ay apart    until weve reacable age? hy should we ask anybodys permission?

        Ive decided to look out for my oerests.    to    me or make me un I do ells me and makes both of us happy?

        Yet I ty, t you    sense my doubt. It must be my y rising i against all ts my duty to tell Fat Im up to? Do you t shird person?

        Mucy , but    make me feel better inside? Ill bring it up h him.

        Oill    to discuss    see t of just cuddling. Ss    deal of trust, but ronger because of it!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        P.S. e    six yesterday m, because t must im this

        time.    seven oclock, our doors ill s tighank goodness!

        tUESDAY, APRIL 18,1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Everyt niger came again to put some ss of iro got tely expects large-scale operations in Russia and Italy, as , before May 20; ts, t is to imagine being liberated from this place.

        Yesterday Peter and I finally got around to alk poning for t ten days. I told    girls,    ating to discuss t intimate matters. I found it rat    t out of illustrations.    imagi it ually located betual kiss, s really a lovely feeling!

        I migake my "favorite quotes notebook" up ime so Peter and I    go more deeply into matters. I dont t is very satisfying, and I he same.

        After our mild er    too    and not too cold,    snut tree is in leaf, and here you    already see a few small blossoms.

        Bep presented us Saturday s of flos of daffodils, and one bouquet of grape h more and more neers.

        Its time to do my algebra, Kitty. Bye.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        EDNESDAY, APRIL 19, 1944

        Dearest Darling, (ts title of a movie    Kreysler, Ida ust and harald Paulsen!)

        could be ing before an open ure, listening to the sun on your cheeks and holding a darling boy in your arms?

        I feel so peaceful and safe    not o speak;    does me so mucurbed again, not even by Mouschi.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        FRIDAY, APRIL 21,1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        I stayed in bed yesterday , but since I    afternoon and didnt    up today. My sore t ;versc;* [* disappeared].

        Yesterday, as youve probably already discovered, oday is tee s yet been declared of age, ty off to, but t table didate; perer, Princess Margaret Rose,    have    Prince Baudouin of Belgium!

        er to t. No sooner side doors been reinforced tole tato flour, and noo pin t surprisingly, th rage.

        Perer tailed.

        traat imates are also too low.

        I    to ask take one of my fairy tales, under a pseudonym, of course. But up to noales oo long, so I dont think I have much of a ce.

        Until t time, darling.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        tUESDAY, APRIL 25, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        For t ten days Dussel    been on speaking terms y measures si o go doairs in ter and Mr. van Daan make t round every nig y, and after t no one may go doairs. e t flusoilet anymore after eig niger eigs go on in Mr. Kuglers office, and tick at nig measure is t Mr. van Daan ba o blame.    food t air, and t t figure out a o keep the windows open.

        "Ill o speak to Mr. Kugler about t; o me.

        I replied t ters of t he group.

        "Everyto talk to your fat t.”

        alloo sit in Mr. Kuglers offiymore on Saturday afternoons or Sundays, because t o be    door.

        Dussel promptly    and sat t doairs to talk to Dussel,    fall for it time. Noo a minimum because Dussel insulted    one of us kno must ty awful.

        And to t t miserable man     t gifts from people you    even talk to?

        Mr. Voskuijl is going doure of almost a or said ion is o o    only God    help him now!

        Ive ten an amusing story called "Blurry t; eners.

        I still    on tot, as her.

        If only Peter does. ed on a kiss, and called me    call a person t, silly boy! But    anyway!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        thURSDAY, APRIL 27, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Mrs. van D.    about    being able to get cougo blo s t s started,    alloo look out tc., etc. e couldnt    laug    couldnt    bad, since she soon joined in.

        Our recipe for potato kugel, modified due to lack of onions:

        Put peeled potatoes ttle dry gover-issue flour and salt. Grease a mold or ovenproof disearin and bake for 21/2 ten strae. (Onions not available. Nor oil for mold or dough!)

        At t Im reading Emperor    by a professor at ty of Gottingen;    forty years    took me five days to read fifty pages. I t do any more t. Si just s going to take me. And ts not even ting t. . . very iing!

        to do in take me, for example. First, I translated a passage on Nelsons last battle from Dutglish.

        t ter t, Cus trong, Stanislaus Lesky, Mazeppa, von Gorz, Bran- denburg, estern Pomerania, Eastern Pomerania and Denmark, plus tes.

        , I ants of Rio de Janeiro, Pernambud Sao Paulo and, last but not least, t Negroes, mulattoes, mestizos, eracy rate -- over 50 pert -- and malaria. Since I ime left, I gla: Jo Casimir I,    up to little Margriet Franciska (born in 1943 in

        Ottawa).

        tudies in ttic, reading about deans, priests, ministers, popes and . . . w was one oclock!

        At t . Kitty, tell me quickly, oes does a amus have?

        ter t, Charles V.

        ter, t test, and the Missouri!

        Enougoday. Adieu!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Ive never fotten my dream of Peter Scill feel    mine, and t    made up for all t. On a    never so intensely. . . until last nigting on took her place.

        t or amusing, but s only to love and be gentle.

        I sat pressed against    a ion e over me. tears ruso my eyes; t fell on    trickled doo t. Did ice?    to s    ions    unanswered.

        At eigy I stood up and    to till trembling, I ill Anne    c to kiss t ogeto stop, oh!

        Peter enderness. For t time in he

        first time    even t pests also , and are transformed as soon as t time in o anot matter, didnt knoo this . . .

        tion keeps nagging me: "Is it rig; Is it rigo yield so soon, for me to be so passioo be filled er?

        I, a girl, alloo go t far?

        t;Im longing so mucime. Im so lonely and no!”

        In t normally, in ternoons too, except no in tire day, times before e ruso t is eac, after our last kiss, I feel like running ahe darkness and alone!

        And s me at ttom of teen stairs? Brigs, questions and laugo aally and    notiything.

        My    is still too teo be able to recover so quickly from a s nigle Anne makes infrequent appearances, and s about to let    ter sers reae t no one    in my dream! aken urned me i. Doesnt everyone need a little quiet time to put ter,    from me?

        and Bep. No Im going t myself, I uand s; if I o marry me,    be able to marry    its so o let go. Peter still oo little cer, too little oo little ce and strengtill a ally no older ts is een? Am I really just a silly sc; Ive experienced somet no one my age ever has.

        Im afraid of myself, afraid my longing is making me yield too soon.    ever ger on? Os so ernal struggle between

        and mind. time and a place for bot    Ive c time?

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank
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